Grief Isn’t Just About Losing Them—It’s About Losing Parts of You

Mist over the water

When Someone You Love Dies, You Might Lose Part of Yourself Too

Grief isn’t just about missing someone. It’s about losing the version of yourself that only existed in their presence.

When someone you love dies—especially someone who saw you in a way no one else did—it can feel like part of your identity vanishes with them. You’re not just mourning their absence. You’re mourning the loss of the mirror they held up to you. The way they knew you. The way they loved you. The way they reminded you who you were, even when you forgot.

For many people, this is the part of grief that’s hardest to name.

Who Am I Without Them?

Maybe it was your mum who loved you unconditionally, even when you were at your worst. Maybe it was a partner who saw your strength when you felt weak. Maybe it was a friend who remembered the stories you’d long buried. When they’re gone, it’s not just their voice that’s missing—it’s the echo of your own.

Clients often tell me they feel “lost” after a bereavement. Not just emotionally, but existentially. They say things like:

• “I don’t know who I am anymore.”

• “She was the only one who really understood me.”

• “Without him, I feel like I’ve disappeared.”

These aren’t just poetic expressions. They’re real experiences of identity loss. Because when someone dies, the relationship dies too—and with it, the unique way they reflected you back to yourself.

Complex Losses, Complicated Grief

Some people haven’t just lost one person—they’ve lost many. Or they’ve lost relationships that were painful, complicated, or unresolved. That kind of grief can be even harder to make sense of.

You might feel guilty for grieving someone who hurt you. Or confused about why you’re still carrying the weight of a loss that happened years ago. You might feel like you’re grieving parts of yourself you never got to fully know.

This is normal. And it’s valid.

Grief doesn’t follow a straight line. It loops, it spirals, it surprises you. And it often brings up questions about identity, belonging, and love that you didn’t expect to face.

Finding Yourself Again

You don’t have to “move on.” You don’t have to “get over it.” But you do deserve space to explore who you are now.

Therapy can help—but even outside of therapy, there are ways to begin:

• Talk to someone who listens without judgement. Sometimes just saying the words out loud helps.

• Write down the parts of yourself you feel you’ve lost. Then ask: are any of them still here, in a different form?

• Notice what brings you comfort. A song, a scent, a memory. These are clues to your enduring self.

You are still here. Even if you feel fragmented. Even if you feel like a stranger to yourself. You are still worthy of love, of understanding, of being seen.

A Gentle Invitation

If you’re grieving, or feeling lost in the wake of loss, you’re not alone. Whether you’re considering therapy or simply trying to make sense of things on your own, this space is for you.

You don’t have to have the answers. You don’t have to be “doing it right.” You just have to be willing to begin.

And if you’d like support in that beginning, I’m here.