Understanding Controlling Behaviours in Relationships and Their Psychological Impact

A gentle path

Controlling Behaviours in Relationships: Signs, Causes & Therapy Can Help

Healthy relationships thrive on love, trust, and respect. Yet, many individuals find themselves trapped in controlling dynamics, where one partner dictates their choices, emotions, and independence. Recognising these behaviours and understanding their psychological roots is crucial for protecting mental well-being and fostering autonomy.

In this article, we explore controlling behaviours, their origins, warning signs, and how therapy helps individuals break free from unhealthy relational patterns.

What Are Controlling Behaviours?

Controlling behaviours emerge when one partner seeks dominance over the other, often through emotional manipulation, restrictions, or psychological coercion. This can range from subtle criticisms to severe forms of abuse.

Common Signs of Controlling Behaviour

• Monitoring your actions – Checking texts, social media, or questioning daily interactions

• Isolation tactics – Discouraging time with family and friends or creating guilt around

  social activities

• Financial control – Limiting access to money or influencing financial decisions

• Emotional manipulation – Guilt-tripping, gaslighting, or undermining confidence

• Extreme jealousy & possessiveness – Excessive suspicion masked as concern

• If these behaviours persist, they can severely impact confidence, emotional security, and future relationship dynamics.

  
  

Why Do Controlling Behaviours Develop?

Psychology offers key insights into why controlling tendencies emerge.

Attachment Theory: Early Relational Wounds

Our childhood attachment experiences shape adult relationships. Those with insecure attachment styles—especially individuals who faced abandonment or neglect—may develop control-seeking behaviours to prevent loss. For example, a person who experienced inconsistent caregiving might regulate their partner’s social life to ease their fears of abandonment.

Cognitive Behavioural Theory: Distorted Beliefs

CBT highlights how thoughts influence emotions and behaviours. Some individuals believe that they alone are responsible for their partner’s happiness, reinforcing controlling tendencies. Research suggests that those with cognitive distortions often struggle with control, leading to conflict and emotional distress.

Social Learning Theory: Behavioural Conditioning

We often replicate behaviours we’ve observed in childhood. If someone grew up in an environment where controlling behaviours were normalised, they may unconsciously repeat these patterns in their own relationships.

The Psychological Impact of Controlling Relationships

Being in a controlling relationship can profoundly affect mental health:

Increased Anxiety & Depression

Studies indicate that 65% of individuals in controlling relationships experience heightened anxiety, self-doubt, and emotional distress.

Erosion of Self-Esteem

Constant criticism and manipulation can deeply damage self-worth. Over time, individuals may begin doubting their abilities, feeling powerless in their situation.

Difficulties in Future Relationships

Past experiences with control often lead to trust issues, fear of intimacy, or emotional avoidance, making it harder to form healthy connections.

How Psychodynamic Therapy Can Help

Psychodynamic therapy offers a depth-focused space to explore relational struggles and reclaim personal autonomy.

Uncovering Unconscious Patterns

Many relational challenges stem from unresolved past experiences. Psychodynamic therapy helps individuals identify unconscious influences shaping their relationships—such as attachment wounds or internalised fears of abandonment.

Understanding Emotional Responses

People in controlling relationships often feel guilt, confusion, or powerlessness. Therapy allows them to explore how these emotions connect to earlier relational dynamics, fostering self-compassion and clarity.

Breaking Cycles & Rebuilding Autonomy

By examining deep-rooted relational patterns, therapy encourages healthier emotional responses—strengthening confidence, resilience, and boundary-setting skills. This empowers individuals to create mutual, respectful connections rather than control-driven relationships.

Psychodynamic therapy is not about quick fixes—it’s a reflective exploration of self, helping individuals make lasting, transformative changes in their emotional lives.

Breaking Free: How to Regain Autonomy

Overcoming controlling behaviours starts with awareness and action. Here are practical steps to regain independence:

✔️ Seek Support – Talk to trusted friends or family for honest feedback

✔️ Consider Professional Help – Therapy can help process emotions and establish boundaries

✔️ Educate Yourself – Understanding relationship dynamics empowers better decision-making

✔️ Set Boundaries – Clearly communicate expectations and personal limits

✔️ Evaluate the Relationship – If controlling behaviours persist, reconsider the relationship's future

Moving Forward: Healing & Empowerment

Controlling behaviours can harm emotional and psychological well-being, but recognising them is the first step toward healthier relationships. Psychodynamic therapy provides the tools to uncover unconscious patterns, process emotions, and strengthen autonomy.

By increasing awareness, setting boundaries, and seeking support, individuals can break free from unhealthy relational cycles and reclaim emotional well-being.

Remember, love should never come at the expense of freedom or mental health.