Walking on Eggshells, Understanding Controlling Relationships

Controlling Behaviour

When Love Feels Like a Tightrope

In a healthy relationship, love is a space where both people can breathe. But for some, love becomes a tightrope, where one partner tiptoes around the other’s moods, fears, and unspoken rules. If you find yourself constantly trying to please someone, afraid that one wrong move will cause emotional fallout, you might be in a controlling relationship.

This doesn’t always look like shouting or overt abuse. Sometimes, control hides behind silence, guilt, or emotional withdrawal. It can feel like you're walking on eggshells, trying to keep the peace while slowly losing pieces of yourself.

Where Does Control Come From

Controlling behaviour often stems from deep-rooted fear. Many people who struggle with control are haunted by early experiences of abandonment, neglect, or emotional inconsistency. Their need to control isn’t always about power, it’s about survival.

They may unconsciously believe, “If I don’t control this, I’ll be left again,” “If you change or grow, I’ll lose you,” “If you don’t meet my needs exactly, I’ll be hurt.”

This fear can manifest as jealousy, criticism, emotional withdrawal, or rigid expectations. And while it may come from pain, it doesn’t excuse the impact it has on the other person.

The Cost of People Pleasing

If you’re in a relationship with someone who needs control to feel safe, you might find yourself, silencing your own needs to avoid conflict. Over-accommodating their preferences. Feeling guilty for wanting space or independence. Losing touch with your own identity.

This dynamic can be especially confusing if your partner’s behaviour is linked to trauma. You may feel compassion for their past, but compassion doesn’t mean self-abandonment.

Control Is Not Connection

It’s important to remember, control is not intimacy. True connection allows for difference, disagreement, and growth. If your partner’s need for control leaves no room for your autonomy, it’s not a relationship, it’s a performance.

You are allowed to say no without fear. Have boundaries that are respected. Grow and change without being punished. Experience love for who you are, not who you pretend to be.

Healing Starts With Naming

If this resonates with you, know that you’re not alone. Many people struggle to name what’s happening, especially when the controlling behaviour is subtle or wrapped in emotional vulnerability.

Therapy can help you reconnect with your own voice, understand the roots of the dynamic, build boundaries that honour both compassion and self-respect. Explore whether the relationship can shift, or whether it’s time to step away.

Final Thoughts

Controlling relationships often begin with pain, not cruelty. They’re shaped by fear, history, and the longing to feel safe. That’s what makes them so hard to recognise, especially when love is still present.

If you’re walking on eggshells, you might feel torn. You may care deeply for someone who struggles with abandonment, and you may have compassion for the wounds they carry. But over time, you might notice that your own needs have gone quiet. That your voice has softened to avoid conflict. That you’re slowly disappearing in the name of keeping the peace.

This is not your failure. It’s a sign that something in the relationship is asking to be seen.

If you’re not ready to speak this aloud, that’s okay. You can begin by noticing. By asking yourself, “What do I feel when I’m with them?” or “What part of me goes quiet in this relationship?”

Even quiet recognition is a beginning. And beginnings don’t have to be loud to be powerful.

A Gentle Invitation

If you’re reading this and something inside you feels seen, even just a little, that matters.

You don’t have to name it out loud yet. You don’t have to explain or justify. You can begin by noticing.

Here are a few questions you might carry with you, privately or in a journal:

• What do I feel when I’m with them

• What part of me goes quiet in this relationship

• What would it feel like to take up space again

There’s no right answer. Just the beginning of a conversation with yourself.

If you’d like to explore this further, I offer a space where you can do so gently, at your own pace, and without judgment. You’re welcome to reach out anonymously, or simply return to this page when you’re ready.

You are not alone. And you don’t have to walk on eggshells forever.